before i left, a friend said to me how no one tells you the emotional strength you need to properly understand a foreign language. you might feel absolutely fluent, you might tick off all the grammar and vocabulary, but you will always make mistakes, and have to feel comfortable doing it. i’ve been in berlin a few days now, and it kind of seems like my german is getting worse. it’s almost too easy to speak english here, totally unlike heilbronn and karlsruhe, where i was last week, and i’m a bit ashamed that the past 2.5 years of pouring over textbooks and exams now seem to amount to so little. i guess it’s just a new experience i need to overcome. sort of like trying to get through the front lock of this old apartment block in neukölln. i could cheat and walk to the back door, or i could stand there and fiddle with the lock for another 10 minutes, just so i can properly learn how to get through. i made it inside tonight without anyone coming to my rescue, and i’m taking it as a pretty good sign.

other than the english, i am really enjoying berlin. it’s gritty and raw, and unbelievably exciting. i feel a bit lonely sometimes, and being a solo female traveller of course has its downsides, but i’m glad i made it here, and i’m glad i’ll be here for so long. it’s astounding how much there is to do, and it’s reassuring that i can take it all in at my own pace. i went to an exhibition today at the bethanien - “passion” - on youth culture and music fandoms, which, of course, is something totally up my alley. walking through it felt reassuringly homely, and i think it was just the sort of feeling i really needed to start to settle in.